Concern:
Are narcissists mainly hyperactive or hypoactive sexually and to what degree are they most likely to be unfaithful in marriage?
Answer:
Broadly speaking, there are 2 types of narcissists, loosely representing the two classifications discussed in the concern.
Sex for the narcissist is an instrument created to increase the variety of Sources of Conceited Supply. If it takes place to be the most effective weapon in the narcissist's toolbox he makes profligate usage of it. To put it simply: if the narcissist can not get love, adoration, approval, applause, or any other kind of attention by other ways (e.g., intellectually) he turns to sex.
He then become a satyr (or a nymphomaniac): indiscriminately participates in sex with several partners. His sex partners are thought about by him to be objects-- sources of Egotistical Supply. It is through the processes of successful seduction and sexual conquest that the narcissist obtains his badly required conceited "fix".
The narcissist is likely to best his techniques of courting and regard his sexual exploits as a kind of art. He generally exposes this side of him in excellent information to others, to an audience, anticipating to win their approval and adoration. Due To The Fact That the Narcissistic Supply in his case is in the very act of conquest and (what he perceives to be) subordination the narcissist is required to hop from one partner to another.
Some narcissists prefer "made complex" situations. Such a narcissist might be married, however he does not regard his extra-marital affairs as either unethical or a breach of any specific or implicit agreement between him and his spouse.
He keeps describing to anyone who cares to listen that his other sexual partners are absolutely nothing to him, useless, that he is merely taking advantage of them which they do not make up a hazard and should not be taken seriously by his partner. In his mind a clear separation exists between the honest "woman of his life" (actually, a saint) and the sluts that he is having sex with.
With the exception of the meaningful females in his life, he tends to see all women in a bad light. His behaviour, therefore, attains a dual purpose: securing Egotistical Supply, on the one hand and re-enacting old, unsolved disputes and injuries (desertion by Main Objects and the Oedipal dispute, for example).
When inevitably abandoned by his spouse the narcissist is veritably shocked and hurt. This is the sort of crisis, which might drive him to psychiatric therapy. Still, deep within, he feels obliged to continue to pursue exactly the same course. His desertion is cathartic, purifying. Following a duration of deep depression and suicidal ideation the narcissist is most likely to feel cleansed, invigorated, unshackled, prepared for the next round of searching.
There is another type of narcissist. He also has bouts of sexual hyperactivity in which he trades sexual partners and tends to regard them as objects.
An agonizing divorce, a destructive personal monetary turmoil and this kind of narcissist adopts the view that the "old" (intellectual) options do not work any longer. He desperately gropes and searches for brand-new methods to bring in attention, to restore his False Ego (= his grandiosity) and to secure a subsistence level of Egotistical Supply.
Sex comes in handy and is a fantastic source of the right sort of supply: it is immediate, sexual partners are interchangeable, the solution is extensive (it incorporates all the elements of the narcissist's being), natural, extremely charged, adventurous, and pleasurable. Hence, following a life crisis, the cerebral narcissist is likely to be deeply involved in sexes extremely frequently and practically to the exemption of all other matters.
However, as the memories of the crisis fade, as the conceited injuries heal, as the Narcissistic Cycle re-commences and the balance is restored this 2nd type of narcissist reveals his real colours. He abruptly dislikes sex and in all his sexual partners. The frequency of his sexes degrades from a few times a day to a few times a year. He reverts to intellectual pursuits, sports, politics, voluntary activities anything however sex.
This kind of narcissist is afraid of encounters with the opposite sex and is even more afraid of psychological involvement or dedication that he fancies himself susceptible to establish following a sexual encounter. In basic, such a narcissist withdraws not just sexually but also emotionally.
He becomes completely immersed in "big tasks", lifelong strategies, a vision, or a cause all really satisfying narcissistically and all really requiring and time consuming. In such situations, sex undoubtedly ends up being a commitment, a need, or an upkeep task unwillingly carried out to preserve his sources of supply (his household or household).
The cerebral narcissist does xxx webcams not enjoy sex and by far chooses masturbation or "unbiased", emotionless sex, like going to woman of the streets. In fact, he uses his mate or spouse as an "alibi", a guard versus the attentions of other women, an insurance coverage which protects his virile image while making it socially and ethically commendable for him to prevent any intimate or sexual contact with others.
Ostentatiously disregarding females besides his wife (a form of aggression) he feels righteous in saying: "I am a loyal other half". At the same time, he feels hostility towards his partner for ostensibly avoiding him from freely revealing his sexuality, for separating him from carnal satisfaction.
The narcissist's thwarted reasoning goes something like this: "I am married/attached to this female. For that reason, I am not allowed to be in any kind of contact with other ladies which might be interpreted as more than casual or professional. This is why I avoid having anything to do with females due to the fact that I am being faithful, rather than most other unethical males.
They can have as much sex and love as they desire to while I am confined to this marriage, chained by my spouse, my flexibility curbed. I am angry at her and I will penalize her by abstaining from having sex with her."
Thus frustrated, the narcissist reduces all manner of intercourse with his close circle (spouse, children, moms and dads, siblings, very intimate good friends): sexual, spoken, or emotional. He limits himself to the rawest exchanges of details and isolates himself socially.
His reclusion guarantees versus a future hurt and prevents the intimacy that he so fears. However, again, this way he also secures desertion and the replay of old, unsettled, conflicts. He actually is left alone by everybody, with no Secondary Sources of Supply.
In his quest to find brand-new sources, he again starts ego-mending bouts of sex, followed by the choice of a partner or a mate (a Secondary Conceited Supply Source). The cycle re-commence: a sharp drop in sexual activity, psychological lack and cruel detachment leading to desertion.
The 2nd type of narcissist is primarily sexually devoted to his spouse. He rotates between what appears to be hyper-sexuality and asexuality (truly, forcefully repressed sexuality). In the second stage, he feels no sexual urges, bar the most standard. He is, therefore, not obliged to "cheat" upon his mate, betray her, or breach the marital swears. He is a lot more thinking about avoiding an uneasy decreasing of the type of Narcissistic Supply that truly matters. Sex, he says to himself, gladly, is for those who can do no much better.
Somatic narcissists tend to spoken exhibitionism. They tend to brag in graphic details about their conquests and exploits. In extreme cases, they may present "live witnesses" and go back to overall, classical exhibitionism. This sits well with their propensity to "objectify" their sexual partners, to engage in emotionally-neutral sex (group sex, for example) and to delight in autoerotic sex.
This outside "appearance" is also what defines the narcissist. One (the exhibitionist) may be the conclusion, the "pure case" of the other (the narcissist).